I am a glutton for punishment.
In my house I have not only the two teenagers that belong to me,not three,not even four but five, yes I said FIVE teenagers staying the night!!
It wasn't intentional, it was just one of those damned 'things' again!
Having accidentally agreed to having my house invaded I decided the best option was to have plenty of crap to bribe them with so I set off for Sainsburys.
I loaded my trolley up with donuts, popcorn, marshmallows, coke, mediced and wine (the latter two being for me!).
All was going reasonably well until I hit the checkout. Now I've explained why I should never be let loose on a self service check out before (if you haven't read this you really need to to understand) so why the f*ck I thought it was a good idea tonight I have NO idea!!
One gripe I may not have mentioned before is the size of the area you put your shopping after scanning it. It's slightly larger than a postage stamp.
Having scanned my shopping (only requiring two visits from the lovely lady with her magic swipe card). Having
It wasn't having any of it.
I smoothed the note free of wrinkles, I turned it around and tried it the other way. I attempted to take the damned machine by surprised by whipping the note away and then pretending to look away while I thrust it back in.
It wasn't having ANY of it I tell you!
As I turned to try and catch the eye of the assistant (who by now was trying to avoid mine) my arm caught one of the bottles of coke and sent it flying.
That bastard EXPLODED everywhere!!
It was like an effing bomb going off.
A fountain of coke shot into the air. Covered me and all my shopping. It took out the adjoining three checkouts and sent a river of coke across the floor.
I stood there completely speechless. Coke dripping from my hair into my eyes, ALL over my leather jacket and down my jeans.
Everybody looking at me very accusingly and muttering as the checkout assistant handed out sheets kitchen roll for them to mop themselves down with.
Just how many times could I, how many times SHOULD I say I was sorry?
It was an accident FFS. You think I do these things for fun???
And so, I went home, dripping, sticky and very subdued to find my dog frantically humping the leg of one of Master Macs friends who had a bitch on heat at home.
Teenagers find that kind of thing HILLARIOUS - poor Gus is very disturbed (not to mention frustrated)
Miss Mac and her friend toasted the marshmallows over the gas ring on my hob leaving a glutenous sticky mess all over it but, quite frankly DILLIGAF?
They then taught me how to do the running man (there may be a vlog to follow on that one!) and now they are all upstairs.
I don't care what they are doing. I shall not be going to investigate what is going on despite the shouting, the screaming and the general sounds of things breaking above me.
I have wine.
I have toast.
I have you.
So, how was YOUR Saturday night??