I always seem to attract the 'undesirables'. I can be minding my own business,not bothering anybody when suddenly, out of nowhere, an undesirable just APPEARS!
Thursday for instance, it was another beautiful day in Somerset so, wearing a perfectly respectable tee shirt and shorts I went for a stroll into town ending up in the Post Office.
I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time in the Post Office usually to find after a 25 minute wait that the computer systems have shut down and business grinds to a halt!
Anyway, that day I had a package to post so I joined the queue only realising when it was too late to change my mind that an 'undesirable' was right in front of me!!!
Ok,head down,pretend to text or something, ANYTHING, he hasn't spotted me, please god, DONT let him see me!!
My prayers were unanswered .... I was within 5 people of escaping unnoticed when HE TURNED AROUND!!
All was lost, first of all he peered at my chest, then he started sniggering, then pointing and the all three together!!
'Har har', wassit say?' he said leaning in for a closer look (my attempted to edge back thwarted by the scary looking woman behind me with a double buggy).
Then he started trying to get other people to look too 'Oi, look at 'er' 'wassit say?' I tried ignoring him, I tried looking round as though to say 'I wonder who on earth he could be talking about!'
All to no avail, I was the centre of attention by now (or rather, my CHEST was the centre of attention!) I had nowhere to hide and starting to get just a little pee'd off!!
'Fine, FINE, if you really want to know I said in a loud voice deciding the only way was to brazen it out. (come to think of it, it is possible I shouted it), it says 100% ORGANIC!!!
|NOT me, my chest has been stared at quite enough for one week thank you|
I've had a few undesirable 'fans' in the past. The road sweeper who used to mutter as I passed 'still married then?' (I did and still DO, say yes).
I got 'orses y'know he says with a fetching wink (as though that might be a deciding factor in my throwing caution to the wind and running away with him).
There was the tramp who lived in the church porch who used to follow me round town lifting up his shirt to show me his latest rash.
And the young chap from the Indian restaurant, he smiled and waved everyday as I walked past on my way to work for at least 6 months.
One day he popped out and smiling he said, 'I think you are very attractive!'. 'Thanks' I said beaming back (its always nice to receive an unexpected compliment) 'yes, he went on, and I like your breasts too'!!!!!